Method card01
Nose first
- THC is a billboard. The nose is the review.
- Smell the flower before you quote a decimal.
- Named terpenes stay named. Percentages only when logged.
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How We Review
The Stoner Review // ProtocolField notes, not a menu
We buy it. We smoke it. We score what we actually smoke. That is the whole method. If a number was not on the jar we opened, or in the notes from the night we smoked it, it does not become a house fact later. If we did not log the counter, we say the counter was not logged. If we did not write down a score, the score stays empty. An empty box is more honest than a dressed-up guess.
Three rules we do not break
Nose before decimals. Blank before invention. Apparel in the cart — never flower.
Method card02
Empty box > guess
- No score means we did not put one on that night.
- Unknown is intentional — not a hole we forgot to fill.
- A batch range stays a batch range. No fake COA.
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Method card03
We sell shirts
- The blog is field notes. The cart is apparel.
- Shop Now means the garment — not the strain.
- Nothing here is a dispensary menu.
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What a score means here
When a score appears on a review, it is a house score for the cut we smoked. It is not a brand average and it is not a crowd rating. Reviewer, when we do not name a person, is The Stoner Review. Smoked-on is a date only when we logged one. Price paid is what left the pocket, not a shelf range dressed up as a receipt. Would-buy-again is a yes, a no, or a short note — and only if we actually said it.
The dark spec strip on a review is that file, rendered. If a field says unknown, we left it blank on purpose. Non-review posts do not get the strip. A culture piece is not a strain review, and we will not force a score onto it.
House score strip // example
- Nose
- Dank, earthy, fuel undertone
- Head
- Fast lift, cerebral, creative sparks
- Body
- Relaxed muscles, warm settle
- Clock
- 2hr 45m peak to baseline
- Would buy
- Unknown
Example only. Real reviews carry the strip only when we logged the session.
Jar copy is not medical advice
The Stoner Review
Jar copy is not medical advice
We do not treat, diagnose, or promise that a strain will do anything to a condition. Label claims, brand copy, and old blog sentences that talked like a clinic are not advice, and they are not the house voice. What we keep is how it sat for us: the head, the body, the clock, the snacks, the next-day mouth. That is a session note. It is not a recommendation. If you need medical care, talk to a clinician. This site is not that conversation.
Apparel vs cannabis — clear line
The Stoner Review is a culture shop. Product cards in a review are shirts and hoodies. We also do not use a review to name a contest winner the shelf report left uncalled. A strain piece is one cut. A monthly report is the month. They do not get to finish each other’s sentences. Who we are is on About. The field notes live on the blog.